Yeah, That's The Solution . . .

Apparently our school children need more exercise. They're fat, folks, and it's time we recognized that. Someone sound the alarm bell! The damned remote for the bell is around here somewhere; I saw it just last week, and it's easier than pushing the button on the wall over there.

Anyway, some people are making the wild assertion that video game playing and school district contracts with the likes of Frito Lay may be contributing factors to the pudge factor of our youngsters. Apparently, they don't get excited about physical education and recess. There are reasons for this.

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating violence on the school ground, but I liked things like dodgeball. Yeah, we played that when I was growing up, and I sucked at it every time except one, but that was when I was the lone hero who won for my team. We can't do that anymore, we are told, because it stomps on little egos when people don't do well. It's throwing balls at people! Hard! With permission! It's fun!

We did things like run laps, kick balls, and warm up with calisthetics. It's understandable that kids just won't get excited about these things, but who cares? You think they are, as a group, praying teachers will take them in early from recess and give them extra math problems? Do essays make them so giddy they pass out from joy?

Grab a whistle and MAKE them run! Oh yeah, and burn the vending machine contracts. Wait, burn the vending machines. Put the flaming metal boxes on rollers and push them behind the children who "don't feel like" running, and they will run.

Is this what those ninnies over in Redlands do? Oh no, they think it is a better idea to get kids excited about exercise by using exertainment. Yeah, for all of those kids whose coordination prevents them from kicking a slow-moving red ball, let's put them on a Dance Dance Revolution dancepad. That's a good use of district money. After all, why have them outside getting exercise when we can "fight fire with fire," as Sue Buster put it in the article linked above?

By showing that video games can give them exercise, we are showing them that playing video games is good for them, right? They don't need to be able to walk a quarter mile in under 30 minutes. They have no reason to learn to kick a stationary soccer ball or shoot a free throw. Why learn skills, after all, that might translate into a lifetime of something better than the club scene?